Book: “Love in a Time of Loneliness”, Paul Verhaeghe

Professor Paul Verhaeghe

Dear,

I would like to share with you a very interesting book, that has been translated in 8 languages and of which an upated version will be released later this year. I’m talking about “Love in a Time of Loneliness” which is a very accesible book that provides interesting insights concerning our lives in current society.

Studying my last year of Clinical Psychology in Ghent (Belgium), Professor Paul Verhaeghe taught us about Differences between men and women in a course that was called: “Genderstudies and Sexual Disorders”. He taught us his vision, partly using the book he wrote in 1998: Love in a Time of Loneliness. This book had a great Impact on me as well as many other students and people that bought the book.

Paul Verhaeghe writes three essays about human love, sex and desire from a psychoanalitical angle, but without tedious academic prose. His way of talking about men and women’s differences fits the society we are living in right now. I quote:

“We always rush to make “the now” last as long as possible and to enjoy as much as possible. But the flipside of the coin is that we just don’t have time to enjoy.”

Not as in many other “psicological” books, Paul Verhaeghe doesn’t offer a ready made recepy for a successful relationship. The differences between men and women are complex and it’s normal to wrestle with love and lust. Although his explanations can sound quite pessimistic at times, he explains a really beautifull side to the conflicting conceptual views that men and women experience in their relationships: The unknown possibilities to creativity. Partners can develop their own creative “language” to fill their expectations and communicate to each other. Paul Verhaeghe works to avoid tunnel vision.

“Thinking you have two options: “stay or leave”, is wrong. Love is not black or white: It’s very important not to lose sight of your own context and history.”

He claims his patients often tend to forget that.

The Book in other Languages:

Spanish: El Amor en los Tiempos de la Soledad

German: Liebe in Zeiten der Einsamkeit

French: L'amour au temps de la solitude.

Dutch: Liefde in Tijden van Eenzaamheid

Turkish: Yalnizlik zamaninda ask

Sarah Degens
Psychologist